NOTZoids: NOTWild, just :, yes, nothing but a colon and it probably isn't even theirs

( Updated as of 09/09/2020 )

Contact e-mail : freighttrain@email.com

Zoids ('zoic droids') is a Japanese model kit, print media, anime cartoon and video game franchise, featuring combat between gigantic mechanical fighting vehicles known as Zoids, that are based on various animals and mythological creatures, which began as model kits in 1982 and now has several hundred varieties of Zoids.



Hello real Zoid enthusiasts, I have taken it as my solemn duty to detail (as if this inane toddleresque mardi gras needed an exposé...) the horrific aberration that is Zoids: Wild (without actually having had to watch the anime or even read any synopses, as this would muddy my Zoids palate), behold, my post mortem dissection of this bastardised stillborn crack baby!

Also be sure to see my other Zoids blog posts:
 * Taxonomic Zoid Classification System (Headcanon Pure)
 * Taxonomic Zoid Classification System (Headcanon)
 * Taxonomic Zoid Classification System ('Official' Creature Types)
 * Ideas for a Sequel Anime to Zoids: New Century
 * Chromatocephalofollic Zoids Female Humanoid Classification System

Blog post contents :
 * Key
 * 1) The Many Failures and Aberrations of Zoids: Wild
 * 2) UnZoidlike
 * 3) Plagiarism
 * 4) Lazy/cheap
 * 5) Poor taste/design
 * 6) Gimmicks
 * 7) Nonsense
 * 8) Random
 * 9) A final word
 * 10) Taxonomic Pseudozoid Classification System
 * 11) Notes
 * 12) Abridged contents
 * 13) Comprehensive contents
 * 14) (Pseudozoid listings in full)

Key :
 * w/ = With
 * w/o = Without
 * i/o = Instead of
 * Comm / Comms = Communication / Communications
 * CW = Customise Weapon
 * Pseudozoid = The proper term for the animal-mecha featured in Zoids: Wild media, which are decidedly unrelated to real Zoids
 * Z-O Visor = Zoid Operation Visor
 * ZW = Zoids: Wild (anime, first series)
 * ZWX = Wild EX-ZERO (print media taking place prior to the events of Zoids: Wild ZERO'')
 * ZWZ = Zoids: Wild ZERO (anime, second series with little or no sense of continuity from the first)
 * ZWBU = Zoids Wild: Blast Unleashed (an inane video game imitating fighting games like Street Fighter, which is obviously gameplay completely incompatible with Zoid battles)
 * ZWBCH = Zoids Wild Battle Card Hunter (some kind of arcade game which is responsible for many of the meaningless, poorly named recolours)

The Many Failures and Aberrations of Zoids: Wild

 UnZoidlike :
 * Several fundamental elements of Zoids: Wild's premise (much smaller average size of mecha, ridden rather than piloted etc.) make it look more like an advertisement for ride-on lawn mowers and other utilitarian or agricultural vehicles, rather than Zoids.
 * Similar parallels can be drawn between Zoids: Wild and the Robot Wars TV show, where competitors pitted their; often ridiculous; remote control robots against each other.
 * The chassis of some pygmy pseudozoids articulate in ways that the animal they are allegedly based after, or even normal Zoids of the same creature type, would not be able to:
 * Gabrigator (its spinal column and tail significantly move forward through its body so that its jaws are longer and open wider, it looks almost exactly like a stapler)
 * Triceradogos (the top half of its frill comes apart and thrusts forward with an oversized piledriver spike in the middle, this is particularly ridiculous as obviously it has two long horns on its head already)
 * Pachycedos (The top of its skull detaches from its head and thrusts forward for a punch-like headbutt)
 * Genospino (its spine pulls out and forward to function as a giant circular saw, this is different from the Dark Spiner's spine doing something which appears to be similar but is not, as the Genospino's spine/rotary saw also takes up space deep inside of the chassis itself, instead of just along the back like the Dark Spiner's), and the Spinosapper may also have arm-mounted saw weapons on its back but again like the Dark Spiner, they do not occupy space within the chassis of the Zoid, like the Genospino's circular saws do



 Plagiarism :
 * I believe that the miscreators of Zoids: Wild are engaging in a form of 'modular plagiarism', where they take similar looking or compatible-esque elements from a few different sources, standardise their superficial style (or lack thereof) and then melt some coloured cheese (in many cases the armour looks as if it has been literally 'melted' on) on top, this would explain many of the pseudozoid designs deviating unnecessarily far from the creatures they are allegedly based on. I am creating a list here of possible sources of their 'modular plagiarism' and will add to it as new possible connections occur to me:
 * Stationery:
 * Stapler — Gabrigator
 * Power tools:
 * Circular saw — Drei Panther / Genospino
 * Utilitarian vehicles:
 * Ride-on lawnmower / tractor — Gannontoise / Bazootle
 * Street racing and show cars:
 * Custom engine designs — Every pseudozoid, the unarmoured appearance of each pseudozoid is full of neatly-arranged tubes and other machinery-like designs that are all uniformly matte black with a slight metallic sheen, very similar to the dolled-up custom engines of show cars.
 * Decals and vibrant colours — Again, the vibrant colour schemes and decals in many of the sticker sets (as well as the team logos from the first series) are very reminiscent of the appearance of show cars and street racing cars (think Need For Speed: Underground 2).
 * Found among Gundam wiki admin Kuruni's user articles, are four lovely fanmade transformable Gundams with animal forms designed by Kuramochi Kyoryu, which bear a remarkable resemblance to four of the ridiculous pygmy pseudozoids from Zoids: Wild media, these Gundams and their bastardised rape-babies are the XZM-FE05G Gundam Hundred (Wild Liger), XZM-UR02G G Gothic (Drei Panther), XXM-CER002G Psy Tri Gundam (Triceradogos) and XUM-RI01GC Psy Zoo-0 Gundam (Bazootle).



 Lazy/cheap :
 * Since Zoids: Wild was stillbirthed shat into existence, the total number of pygmy pseudozoids has been rapidly inflated with meaningless recolours (as can be seen in the comprehensive classification system in the second half of this blog post), no doubt to try and make it seem as if it is huge, quickly growing and packed with a real variety of solid content, when this is clearly nothing but a flashy, mildly disorientating and superficial pufferfish tactic, also many of these meaningless recolours with misappropriately fancy and obscure names are from the Zoids Wild Battle Card Hunter arcade game.
 * Strangely there are two pygmy pseudozoids from the first series that they haven't even bothered to do recolours of, despite there being several recolours of all other pseudozoids, these two left out are the Ankyrox and Dilofos.
 * There are also a few other pseudozoids from the first series which only have a couple of meaningless recolours each with no actual variants with differing capabilities, these are the Gusock, Dimepulsar and Stegosage.
 * All the second series ZWZ did was slightly improve upon plagiarise the character design and setting from preexisting unrelated Zoids media.
 * ZWZ features two blatant rip-off characters (Emperor Fiona and Jiin Elisi Linette) which are a blatant, tactless recycling of the Ancient Zoidian 'Fiona' Elisi Linette from the unrelated Zoids: Chaotic Century.
 * In the English dub of Zoids: Wild, the pseudozoid Fang Tiger is called the Zaber Fang, which is the name of a preexisting actual Zoid.
 * The premise of ZWZ is simply 'Imperials' vs. 'Republicans', they don't even bother to name either faction beyond these ambiguous pseudopolitical references, but as they had no real ideas, all they could do was engage in internecine plagiarism by trying to make it sound like good old Zoids: Chaotic Century.
 * In total there are 21 distinct pseudozoid chassis (the abridged contents tally counts chassis types seperately between each animal classification heading)
 * Same shit chassis, different asshole armour:
 * Kabtor / Kuwaga / Kuwaganos
 * Wild Liger / Beast Liger / Rising Liger
 * Hunter Wolf / Gatling Fox
 * Gannontoise / Bazootle
 * Stegosage / Triceradogos / Stylaser
 * Pachycedos / Gilraptor / Sonic Bird
 * Dilofos / Raptor / Raptoria / Jamminga
 * Omega Rex / Death Rex
 * Fang Tiger / Drei Panther
 * Shared chassis components:
 * The Dimepulsar and Ankyrox have the same legs and lower half of the body section.
 * The Dimepulsar and Gabrigator have the same legs, tail and some parts of the body section.
 * In addition to the many reused chassis and parts, they also shamelessly imitated the unique designs and features of a few preexisting actual Zoids:
 * Catalga — Molga (basically exactly the same)
 * Cannon Bull — Dibison (same distinctive 9-cannon cannon battery in its hump, shoulder and haunch armour designs)
 * Gatling Fox — Shadow Fox (same distinctive dorsal rotary cannon)

 Poor taste/design :
 * The characters from the first series are almost all children.
 * The more adult characters from the first series all look ridiculously weird.
 * The video game Zoids Wild: Blast Unleashed is a fighting game in the style of Street Fighter, the gameplay of which is obviously completely incombatible with something like Zoid battles, which occur on large battlefields with obstacles, cover and uneven terrain, primarily in teams using mostly ranged weapons.
 * Many pseudozoids are very poorly named, with the 'Genospino' probably having the worst name of the lot.
 * The design proportions of the pygmy pseudozoids is not very close to the animals they are allegedly designed after, and the armour plating often has a random 'melted' kind of look to it, as if they were too lazy and unskilled to create proper designs.
 * The Wild Liger actually looks more like a rodent such as a squirrel or a rat, than a feline of some kind let alone a lion.
 * The model kits of most of the pseudozoids from ZWZ aren't even properly scaled with one another in accordance with their sizes in the anime, and this goes beyond simply one or two mega-jumbo Zoids (such as the Ultrasaurus and Death Saurer from Zoids: Chaotic Century) as it occurs across a variety of pseudozoid sizes and also includes smaller than model scale pseudozoids as well.



 Gimmicks :
 * They clearly tried to stuff as many cheap, flashy gimmicks into the concepts involved with the marketing, anime and model kits to try and distract fans from the fact that Zoids: Wild does not have any solid content.
 * Apparently the process of taking a Zoids: Wild pseudozoid model out of its box was designed to look like you are excavating it or something, but instead comes of as having more in common with a happy meal than anything Zoids related.
 * Almost all of the characters from the first series are named after types of food, a gimmick likely misappropriated from the Dragon Ball anime.
 * This bizarre style of character naming unsettlingly suggests possible subliminal themes of child cannibalism.

 Nonsense :
 * They ride on top of the psuedozoid instead of in a cockpit of some kind, there isn't even any kind of safety gear or even controls.
 * The children who ride on top of the pseudozoids would be incinerated or otherwise blown to bits or dismembered by all manner of high explosive etc. weaponry they would undoubtedly come into contact with, when engaging in whatever passes for a Zoid battle in this ridiculous farce of an attempted franchise reboot.

 Random :
 * Still don't know why the hell the pseudozoids have an 'IQ' stat or what it is.
 * In New Zealand English, the word 'kai' is actually a colloquialism for food, this is noted here because several pygmy pseudozoids from ZWZ have variants with the 'Kai' suffix, which is probably some kind of throwback to the character names of the first Zoids: Wild series.

 A final word

Instead of this hastily cobbled together pile of mutant half-chewed trash, franchise resources could have instead been used to create a much wanted sequel anime to Zoids: New Century, or even one that closely follows the battle story from ZAC 2029-2109.

Taxonomic Pseudozoid Classification System

This section contains a fully comprehensive taxonomic pseudozoid classification system that I have created, which includes all of the pseudozoids listed in the List of Zoids article (and more) from the Zoids wiki, as well as some from The Iron Bible's Zoid resources and elsewhere, with each entry listed in a quasi-phylogenetic order and in a similar format for clarity.

Notes :
 * In Testudinatans (modern and stem-turtles ), stem-turtles is underlined to indicate that this category only contains Zoid designs based on stem-turtles, and not designs based on modern turtles which are instead listed in Testudines/chelonids (turtles and tortoises).
 * While the (Ambiguous) diapsids category that contains the Longisquama-type Zoid Glaive Quama, comes after and is in the same priority alignment with other categories that would technically be subcategories of a diapsid category (Testudinatans etc.), I have decided to instead arrange those categories in an order determined by the habitat and superficial resemblance to each other of those genera, due to the subcategory limit ending at 'Format' (Heading 6) preventing me from listing more in-depth Zoid classification.

Abridged contents : — 219 (30/189)

Tally key:
 * T (C/V) = Total Zoids ((Distinct) Chassis/Variants)

1. Extant Genera — 125 (14/111) 2. Extinct Genera — 94 (16/78)
 * Arthropods — 29 (6/23)
 * Reptiles — 6 (1/5)
 * Mammals — 90 (7/83)
 * Marine reptiles — 4 (1/3)
 * Testudinatans (modern and stem-turtles ) — 6 (1/5)
 * Synapsids — 4 (1/3)
 * Dinosaurs — 64 (11/53)
 * Pterosaurs — 9 (1/8)
 * Mammals — 7 (1/6)

Comprehensive contents : — 219 (30/189)

Tally key:
 * T (C/V) = Total Zoids ((Distinct) Chassis/Variants)

Recolour key:
 * — Unk. = Unknown
 * — Rec. = Recolour, no physical or statistical differences
 * — Sti. = A sticker set, no colour, physical or statistical differences
 * — Pil. = Recolour, with a specific pilot
 * — DNo. = Recolour, with a unique designation number

1. Extant Genera — 158 (14/111)
 * Arthropods — 29 (6/23)
 * Crustaceans
 * Isopods (woodlice)
 * Gusock
 * Gusock Gold — Rec.
 * Arachnids
 * Spiders
 * Spideath
 * Spideath Dusk — Rec.
 * Pink Spideath — Pil.
 * Spideath Kai
 * Scorpions
 * Scorpear
 * Scorpear Fantômas — Rec.
 * Scorpear Empire Army Attack Force Spec.
 * Scorpear Kai
 * Coleopterans (beetles)
 * (Unspecified)
 * Kabtor
 * Kabtor Rare White Ver. — Rec.
 * Kabtor Rare White (Arashi Ver.) — Rec. / Sti.
 * Kabtor Gold — Rec.
 * Kabtor Red Jaw — Rec.
 * Kabtor Shinobi — Rec.
 * Kabtor Hercules — Rec.
 * Kabtor Kai
 * Kabtor Melee Combat Enhanced Spec.
 * Lucanids (stag beetles)
 * Kuwaga
 * Kuwaga Rare White
 * Kuwaga Red Jaw — Rec.
 * Kuwaga Kai
 * Kuwaganos
 * Mantids
 * Kill Scythe
 * Kill Scythe (Shigaru's) — Pil.
 * Lepidopterans (moths)
 * Caterpillars
 * Catalga
 * Catalga Cannon
 * Catalga Kai
 * Reptiles — 6 (1/5)
 * Testudines/chelonids (tortoises and turtles)
 * Prototype Bazootle
 * Bazootle
 * Bazootle Lagoon — Rec.
 * Bazootle Heavy Artillery Medium-Range Bombardment Spec.
 * Bazootle Long-Range Ground Bombardment Spec.
 * Bazootle Ground-To-Air Artillery Spec.
 * Mammals — 90 (7/83)
 * Eutherians (placental mammals)
 * Bovids (cloven-hoofed ruminants)
 * Cannon Bull Prototype [Cutter Custom]
 * Cannon Bull (Blue Blood Custom)
 * Cannon Bull
 * Cannon Bull Bash — Rec.
 * Cannon Bull Blade Horn Anti-Aircraft Artillery Spec.
 * Cannon Bull Long-Range Anti-Aircraft Artillery Spec.
 * Cannon Bull Anti-Air Long-Range Artillery Spec.
 * Elephantids
 * Zero Phantoth
 * Rodents
 * Mongrel rodent crossbreeds
 * Wild Liger
 * Awakened Wild Liger
 * Wild Liger Guren Ver. — DNo.
 * Wild Liger Evil — Rec.
 * Wild Liger First Kitchen A — Sti.
 * Wild Liger First Kitchen B — Sti.
 * Wild Liger First Kitchen C — Sti.
 * Wild Liger First Kitchen D — Sti.
 * Wild Liger PSO Ver. (Phantasy Star Online) — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Blade — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Ash Model — Unk.
 * Wild Liger Genbu — Unk.
 * Wild Liger Kongou — Unk.
 * Wild Liger Triceradogos Coord Version — Unk.
 * Wild Liger Black Lion Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Silver Lion Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Silver Chrome Ver. — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Gold — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Gold Chrome Ver. — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Crystal — Unk.
 * Wild Liger Xtal — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Blue Flame Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Blue Thunder Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Thunder Lion Form — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Thunder Lion Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Extreme Release Form (Clear Ver.) — Rec.
 * Wild Liger Sky Flight Ver. — Sti.
 * Wild Liger Sky Peace Edition — Sti.
 * Fang Liger
 * Command liger
 * Command Liger Woodland
 * Armd Liger
 * Armed Liger
 * Armd Liger Heavy Armor
 * Armd Liger Heavy Armor Custom
 * Wild Liger Kai
 * Wild Liger High Speed Combat Spec.
 * Beast Liger
 * Beast Liger M (McDonalds) — Rec.
 * Beast Liger Blue Knight — Rec.
 * Beast Liger Black Knight — Rec.
 * Beast Liger DTGA — Unk.
 * Beast Liger Optical Camouflage Spec.
 * Beast Liger ABU (Assault Boost Unit)
 * Beast Liger Zero — Rec.
 * Beast Liger Zero ABU (Assault Boost Unit)
 * Beast Liger Long Range Artillery Spec.
 * Beast Liger ?
 * ZZ (?Zombie Zoid)
 * Rising Liger
 * Rising Liger Ruby — Rec.
 * Rising Liger Murasame — Rec.
 * Rising Liger Hayate — Rec.
 * Rising Liger Mugen — Rec.
 * Rising Liger GCU (Gravity Cannon Unit)
 * Liger The Arthur
 * Galaxy Liger
 * Rising Liger Flight Prototype
 * Canids
 * Wolves
 * Hunter Wolf
 * Special Edition Hunter Wolf — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Gold — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Flame Wolf — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Tsukuyomi — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Sylpheed — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Bouncer — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Command — Rec.
 * Hunter Wolf Kai
 * Foxes
 * Gatling Fox
 * Gatling Fox Night Blue — Rec.
 * Gatling Fox Shadow — Rec.
 * Gatling Fox BRU (Buster Radar Unit)
 * Gatling Fox Salvo Spec.
 * Felids
 * Panthers (unspecified classification)
 * Drei Panther
 * Drei Panther Blood — Rec.
 * Drei Panther ?
 * Drei Panther Assault Reinforcement Spec.
 * Ligers (♂ lion x ♀ tiger)
 * Burning Liger
 * Primates
 * Hominines (African apes)
 * Knuckle Kong
 * Knuckle Kong Gold — Rec.
 * Knuckle Kong Bagh Nakh — Rec.
 * Knuckle Kong Kai
 * Knuckle Kong Slashing & Shelling Spec.

2. Extinct Genera — 94 (16/78)
 * Marine reptiles — 4 (1/3)
 * Crocodilians
 * Gabrigator
 * Gabrigator Gold — Rec.
 * Gabrigator Carrion — Rec.
 * Gabrigator Kai
 * Testudinatans (modern and stem-turtles ) — 6 (1/5)
 * Gannontoise
 * Gannontoise Earth — Rec.
 * Gannontoise Aqua — Rec.
 * Gannontoise Plus — Rec.
 * Gannontoise Long-Range Support Spec.
 * Gannontoise Kai
 * Synapsids — 4 (1/3)
 * Dimepulsar
 * Dimepulsar Gold — Rec.
 * Dimepulsar Trance — Rec.
 * Dimepulsar Kai
 * Dinosaurs — 64 (11/53)
 * Thyreophorans
 * Ankylosaurs
 * Ankylosaurids
 * Ankyrox
 * Stegosaurs
 * Stegosage
 * Stegosage Gold — Rec.
 * Stegosage Psyche — Rec.
 * Ceratopsians
 * Centrosaurines
 * Stylaser
 * Stylaser Red Fort — Rec.
 * Stylaser Cutter Custom
 * Stylaser BRU (Buster Radar Unit)
 * Chasmosaurines
 * Triceradogos
 * Triceradogos Chrom — Rec.
 * Triceradogos Kai
 * Triceradogos Kai (Lieutenant Colonel Dias')
 * Triceradogos Ground-To-Air Artillery Spec.
 * Pachycephalosaurids
 * Pachycedos
 * Pachycedos Kai
 * Sauropods
 * Grachiosaurus
 * Grachiosaurus Gold — Rec.
 * Grachiosaurus Volcano — Unk.
 * Grachiosaurus Lightning Ver. — Sti.
 * Grachiosaurus Kai
 * Theropods
 * Dilophosaurids
 * Dilofos
 * Dromaeosaurids
 * Raptor
 * Raptor Forest — Rec.
 * Raptor Snow — Rec.
 * Raptor Kai
 * Raptoria
 * Raptoria (Jo Aysel's) — Pil.
 * Raptoria Raffiné — Rec.
 * Raptoria ?
 * Jamminga
 * Gilraptor
 * Gilraptor (Commander)
 * Gilraptor Gold — Rec.
 * Gilraptor Rare Bone — Rec.
 * Gilraptor Nyx — Rec.
 * Gilraptor Joker — Unk.
 * Gilraptor Emperor — Unk.
 * Gilraptor Destroy — Unk.
 * Gilraptor Red Chrome Ver. — Rec.
 * Gilraptor Black Dragon ver. — Sti.
 * Gilraptor Cutter Spec.
 * Gilraptor Kai
 * Gilraptor Super Electromagnetic Blade Retrofit Spec.
 * Carcharodontosaurids
 * Zero Grizis
 * Zero Grizis Dark Form — Rec.
 * Tyrannosaurids
 * Death Rex
 * Death Rex Gold — Rec.
 * Death Rex M (McDonalds) — Rec.
 * Death Rex Origin — Rec.
 * Death Rex Frenzy Ver. — Sti.
 * Death Rex Purple Dragon Form — Rec.
 * Death Rex Burning Dragon Form — Sti.
 * Death Rex Special Edition (red) — Rec.
 * Death Rex Special Edition (purple) — Rec.
 * Death Rex Buster
 * Death Rex Buster Magnum — Rec.
 * Omega Rex
 * Omega Rex White Fortress Ver. — Rec.
 * Omega Rex Breaker — Rec.
 * Spinosaurids
 * Genospino
 * Genospino Rampage Form — Rec.
 * Genospino ?
 * Genospino ?
 * Aves
 * Sonic Bird
 * Sonic Bird DBU (Dash Breaker Unit)
 * Pterosaurs — 9 (1/8)
 * Sniptera
 * Sniptera Mass Production Type — Unk.
 * Sniptera (Cutter Custom)
 * Sniptera Killing Red — Rec.
 * Sniptera High Speed Close Combat Spec.
 * Sniptera Bomber Spec.
 * Sniptera BRU (Buster Radar Unit)
 * Sniptera Storm — Rec.
 * Sniptera Storm BRU (Buster Radar Unit)
 * Mammals — 7 (1/6)
 * Machairodontines (sabre-toothed cats)
 * Fang Tiger
 * Fangtiger Saber — Rec.
 * Fang Tiger Amber — Rec.
 * Fang Tiger White Tiger Form — Rec.
 * Fangtiger Schwarz — Rec.
 * Fang Tiger Awakened
 * Fang Tiger Kai